


Someone's Waiting

by bagog



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: ...i guess, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sunsets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 14:43:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3294215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bagog/pseuds/bagog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Commander Shepard's first mission when he wakes up: a special delivery to return some forgotten items.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someone's Waiting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jocu19](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jocu19/gifts).



> I'm writing a longer piece. The original ending was horribly tragic. I decided not to end it on such a sad note, but that sad note is my story 'One New Message Waiting'. I rewrote that ending to be less sad. But now I've decided it's probably better as the less depressing counter-piece to 'One New Message Waiting'. If you prefer angst, read that story. If you prefer fluff, read on.
> 
> It's for Jocu19, please don't be sad!
> 
> This fic presupposes the Extended Conversation with Anderson is canon, because it's my favorite conversation. If you haven't seen it, here it is:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzEPBPt7zEs

“Kahlee, it’s me. Got a minute?”

Shepard took his finger off the intercom and shook his hand like the cold was a glove he could throw off. He pulled his hood up over his ears, puffed a breath into his open fist, and stuffed his hands in his pocket.

“Commander! Been waiting, please, come on up. 973. I’ll leave the door open for you.”

The front gate buzzed and Shepard opened it, pausing as he stepped forward. The wind was blowing straight through town off the bay, the sudden shift in the direction of the wind rattling the dry oak leaves still clinging to their branches. If he had closed his eyes, he might have imagined green leaves blowing, instead of brown. Kahlee Sanders was expecting him upstairs. He knew he had to do this, same way he knew he needed to do every mission.

Still, the last time he had faced a seemingly impossible mission, it had almost cost him everything. His life. And even more than that. Surely, what could a conversation with Kahlee be that standing before the governing intelligence for the Reapers wasn’t?

A lot, actually.

Saving the galaxy was easy to get your head wrapped around. Of course you had to do whatever to save the galaxy. But this? What was he expecting to happen? He’d reopen old wounds for himself, certainly. And he might do the same for Kahlee. What could he say that would even validate his presence? Was he even up for this?

In his mind, the broken skyline might well have still been smoking. Giant, ancient Reapers might still be setting the city aflame. A boy might still be climbing into a doomed shuttle. A boy made of dust and light who asked the impossible…

A ray of sun caught the sky-car he came in, and a figure in the passenger seat waved gently. Shepard smiled as the wind coiled around his neck in his hood, the scent briefly wet and earthy the way spring smells. He gave a mock salute to the sky-car and walked into the building.

He had to stop and sit on the landing of the stairs at the third floor to catch his breath, then again on the seventh, finally wheezing against the wall on the ninth floor. His lungs burned like they hadn’t since boot camp. When he scrambled back to standing, his legs ached, his vision was blurred around the edges. He stared up the stairwell until he was convinced no Marauder was going to appear between him and the door to the hallway. He tried to think back to the car-ride… not a single Ravager in the sky…

His limping stride echoed softly against the cracked tile on the ninth floor. The old doors were still wooden, still opened on brass hinges, and Shepard smiled. They were the kinds of apartments that had seen dozens of families arrive, grow, and move on. Those old hinges had been worked to creaking and oiled over and over, but they’d never been replaced.

Sure enough, she’d left the door open and Shepard stepped in and gently closed it behind him. He stepped through the entryway as Kahlee rounded the corner and ran straight into him, starting and letting out an involuntary cry as they collided.

“Commander! _Christ_ ,” she clutched her chest and laughed, bracing her hand on the wall as Shepard staggered back, “You scared the hell out of me, Commander Shepard!”

Shepard attempted to smile to hide the fact even this gentle collision had hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, and he tried not to imagine the sensitive skin-grafts purpling where she had elbowed him in the ribs.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Shepard lowered his hood, running a hand over his head—more hair than he’d had in years and years.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s just the last time we met you came in guns blazing. Didn’t expect you could be so stealthy. Can I get your coat?”

Shepard slipped his hands back in the pocket of his hoodie, “No thanks. Still a little chilly.”

“Well,” Kahlee shrugged, “you should ditch the jacket then! It’s keeping the cold in.”

“Uh, thanks but I’ll take my chances,” Truth was, the old hoodie was something like a totem for him. To take it off now would’ve been removing his armor in the middle of a fight.

“Ah, okay. Well come on into the kitchen, I’ve got some hot tea on. You drink tea?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

For the most part, the kitchen was packed away in various boxes, some marked ‘Grissom Academy, K. Sanders’ and others marked ‘Donate’. One of the Grissom boxes had been opened, and two china tea-cups sat next to a kettle on the burner. Kahlee poured the tea and leaned against the counter, handing John his cup.

“I’m sorry, until you called this morning I honestly didn’t know you had even woken up, or I would have come sooner,” she chuckled nervously, blowing the billows of steam away from the lip of her cup, “Of course, I really had no idea you’d even know who I was—not… not because I thought you would have amnesia or anything, it’s just that we’ve only really met the once, and with Cerberus around it was a pretty intense situation.” She looked up at Shepard through the steam and allowed herself a sip.

“Of course I remember you! And Anderson spoke of you often.”

Kahlee’s eyebrows creased together on her forehead and she nodded gently, then abruptly set her tea down.

“…he did?”

“He did.” Shepard sipped the tea, the hot bitterness pooled on the back of his tongue as he coached himself through how to swallow once again. Kahlee had crossed her arms over her chest.

“I almost find that hard to believe, Commander. Anderson wasn’t really one to talk about his personal life.”

“It was the end of the war,” Shepard said softly, easing his bad hip into the edge of the counter, “People… they open up.”

“…oh.” Kahlee slowly rubbed her neck. Shepard smiled and cocked his head, trying to catch her gaze.

“…I also had to read between the lines a little bit too.” He said, and Kahlee chuckled, bracing her hands behind her on the counter and tapping her foot.

“Umm… this sounds dumb Commander… but… oh hell…”

“All I know,” Shepard cut in, “Is that he cared about you very much. I gathered that he was planning on retiring once the war was won. He… I think honestly part of him was glad to be back in London for a little while.”

Kahlee sputtered a laugh and hung on Shepard’s words, “Of course he was,” she wiped a tear out of her eye, “The last message I got on the QEC was about how… how he had found just the right little place to settle down once the city was rebuilt…” her gaze was lost in her teacup. And Shepard braced himself against the counter to combat the tremor that had slowly been building in his right leg.

“I’m sorry I missed the memorial.”

“Hmm? Oh,” she waved his words away, “You were laid up unconscious after saving the whole galaxy! How long have you even been awake?”

“Not very long. On my feet for even less.” Shepard said. Kahlee’s eyes grew wide.

“Oh! I’m so sorry! Here I am pumping you for information in the kitchen, making you stand! Come sit! Must feel like you’ve been standing forever!” she said, and Shepard stiffened, remembering back to the second time on the Crucible he really, _truly_ believed he was going to die…

Kahlee rushed ahead of him around the half-wall into the living room and scattered some boxes from off the sofa to clear a spot for him. Shepard gratefully sank into the couch, the sunlight streaming through the large west-window warming his face and chasing the cold out of his hoodie. He scooted into the corner of the sofa to put the sun to his back a bit, watched as Kahlee maneuvered a chair to sit across from him

Shepard fiddled with the small bag in his pocket. It had been a long time since anyone looked at him like that. As if he had all the answers. He’d seen that look on Thessia, the soldiers on the front lines, so certain Shepard would end the war in an afternoon. The innocent attentiveness in EDI’s every look, as if Shepard was some teacher on the nature of humanity…

No. This wasn’t like that. See the mission through. Three objectives left. Then back to the car. Back to the car.

“Actually,” he said clearing his throat as Kahlee idly moved a few box lids on the ground, “I wanted to tell you that Anderson’s old apartment on the Citadel is still there, hardly any damage at all. Anderson had mentioned you had wanted to… to settle down there. As far as I’m concerned, it’s _your_ apartment.”

Kahlee stopped fiddling with the packaging and looked up at Shepard, she looked awestruck, vulnerable.

“…Oh. Shepard… that’s… very generous but… I just don’t think I could live there anymore.” She said gently, “Besides, David bought that place because he thought I wanted to live on the Strip. I just thought getting him to settle down near the seat of galactic power would finally make him… well, settle down. And he was a Councilor then and—“ she laughed, a rich tone, “Who am I kidding? You don’t want to hear me going on like this!”

“It’s good to hear laughter,” Shepard grinned, “And it’s good to hear about Anderson this way. Like you said, he could be a little stiff sometimes.”

“He certainly could,” she smiled down at he folded hands, “So how about I go back to Grissom Academy and be with my kids… well,” she rolled her eyes and crooked her fingers around “my ‘students’. And you keep the apartment. If settling down that close to the action will finally make _you_ settle down… I hope you will.”

“Grissom Academy is rebuilt then?”

“Sure is. And we didn’t lose a single student on the front lines, thanks to Jack. I can’t wait to get everyone back.”

“I’m glad she kept them safe.”

“Yeah. I’ve really taken to her, actually. All of them, really. I really do think of them like my kids sometimes. David and I always… uh… always talked about having kids.”

“He mentioned that.”

Kahlee’s head snapped up, “He did? He… I mean… we hardly… it was something…” she covered her mouth with her hand, “When… uh, did he mention we wanted kids?” Shepard met her gaze for a moment. His leaden muscles felt already like they were melting into the couch, his atrophied legs feeling just like his overtaxed body, collapsed next to his mentor above Earth, staring over the rim of their homeworld feeling victorious. The warmth of the sun behind him helped stave off the remembered chill Shepard had felt, the shock setting in as hot blood poured from his side. Keeping Anderson awake… trying to keep Anderson awake.

Maybe it was that he couldn’t believe Anderson really could die. The way you never imagine your father can die. There were only ever two people Shepard assumed couldn’t die… but Anderson had…

“On the Citadel. At the end.”

“What did he say?” Kahlee’s voice was so soft Shepard might have imagined it, his own conscience hissing in the back of his mind for him to complete his mission.

“He asked me about children. He said he had never had any, it seemed like he… regretted isn’t the right word. He was at peace with himself. With everything, at the end,” Shepard wasn’t used to mumbling, it felt unnatural, “…he said he was proud of me.”

Kahlee let out a soft sob, but through the tears she still smiled warmly, she didn’t move to wipe the tears as they slid down her face. Shepard recognized the look: a kind of acceptance, a sort of completion. Not the end of the road of suffering, but a milestone. He’d seen that look, it was the first face he’d seen when his eyes opened for the first time since the explosion…

“Shepard, I can’t tell you how much it means to have you say that to me. Really. Thank you so much Shepard. For being with David to the very end. You were so important to him. Not just because of what you’d done, but because of who you are.” She managed to say between sniffs and sobs, “He saw a lot of himself in you. And I do too.”

Shepard bowed his head lightly, and the two sat in silence watching the vapor from their tea rise up into the beams of sunlight that cast their shadows against the wall. In the silence, Shepard thought he could hear the building crumbling around them, or the rush of booted feet up the hallway…

But of course it was just one of the families in the other apartments. Perhaps kids rushing to dinner. He took a deep breath, thought back to the car, remembered suddenly his last objective for this meeting.

“I have something for you,” he said as he bent over to set his cup on the floor, the sharp pain of the movement stealing his breath for a moment. He removed a small black bag from his jacket and handed it across to Kahlee, who accepted it with delicate fingers and a questioning expression, “If I can’t convince you to have the apartment, I figure I can at least return these.”

Kahlee smiled warmly when she opened the bag, removing a bottle of sweet smelling shampoo,

“Oh my god… this was his favorite,” she laughed held up the bottle, perhaps an eighth of the silky liquid remained in the bottom of the bottle, “Can you tell? Could hardly keep his hands off me when I washed my hair with this. Oh, Shepard I never even would’ve remembered any of this stuff. Thank you so much, it really is too thoughtful of you to bring this back to me.”

“Kaidan had brought it over from the apartment, thought it would be good if you could have some nice things to take with you back to Grissom Academy.”

“Kaidan? Alenko?” she quirked an eyebrow as she removed a vial of essential oil from the bag, “He’s on my short list to ask to come teach at Grissom. Hope he’s not trying to butter me up!”

Shepard stiffened, “Teach? At Grissom? He’d… have to move to Grissom…?”

“Well, yes. I admit it’s going to be a hard sell to convince a Council Spectre to teach kids, but maybe you can put in a good word for me, eh?”

“Umm, well we hadn’t really considered what we’d be doing but I… suppose we could talk about Grissom…”

“We…?” Kahlee looked up abruptly from a bar of soap, then her eyes slowly narrowed as the corner of her lip curled into a wicked smile, “You and Major Alenko are a couple?”

“Yes.”

“Shepard, that’s _wonderful_. I knew you had served together but I never had any idea…”

“Well,” Shepard smiled and felt a blush creeping up his neck, “You’d have had to read between the lines a little.” Kahlee laughed.

“Have you two had much time since you’ve been up and around?”

“A little here and there.”

“Well, you two take some time together. Trust me, Shepard. Don’t wait another damn minute. Tell the Major the offer stands, but I’d really rather have the two of you in that apartment than cramped in the faculty quarters at Grissom.”

Shepard told her all about Kaidan. Soon they were comparing stories about Kaidan and Shepard with stories about Kahlee and David. Then they talked about Anderson, each supplementing the other’s understanding of the man who had touched them both so powerfully. When it was time to leave, Kahlee threw her arms around Shepard a little too hard and Shepard suppressed a wince.

“I’m sorry for your loss, Kahlee.” He whispered, and Kahlee inhaled a shuddering breath pressed into him, muttering softly into his shoulder,

“Me too, Shepard. But I feel better than I’ve felt in a long time. Sometimes… sometimes you need to joke, or to get a pat on the back… or some soaps or something… _anything_ to convince you that things are going to be alright.” She kissed his forehead gently, “Can I call you a cab, Shepard?”

“No. Thank you. Someone’s waiting for me.”

Shepard limped down the hallway, legs trembling as he stared at the elevator doors for a long time before rallying himself and exiting down the stairs. The railing creaked against the weight he placed on it as he descended. He almost stumbled down a few flights: even stairs could kill him at this point. But he didn’t stop for a single rest.

The cold air rushing into his lungs outside made him pant even harder, and he considered stopping to rest a moment, but there was the sky-car bathed in golden light, and he no longer cared how obviously he was limping or how much he would be panting and wheezing when he reached the car.

Two steps forward and the driver’s door swung open and Kaidan jogged out, open leather jacket flapping against his thick sweater. Shepard had never really seen him in civvies, but these days it felt like a promise. Kaidan wrapped a strong arm under one shoulder and placed a hand on Shepard’s chest to steady him, assuming most of his whole weight to help him to the passenger’s seat.

“Easy now, old soldier!” He joked, but his voice was more than a little worn with worry.

“You… moved… driver’s seat…” Shepard panted as Kaidan helped him sit, the heat still on in the car, warm air soothing against Shepard’s cold face.

“Well, you never should have been driving in the first place, and I wanted to make sure you could talk without getting distracted if you wanted to on the drive back.” Kaidan slid into the driver’s seat, and the car closed out the wind. Kaidan’s eyes scanned up Shepard’s body, trying to see where Shepard was clutching, which of his new implants or reconstructed limbs was giving him trouble. But when he met Shepard’s gaze, John didn’t feel like a mass of ruined tissue and cybernetic implants. He just felt human. Except, maybe invincible.

“…I didn’t know what to say.” He said at last, letting himself admit in words what he had been afraid to even think before the ‘mission’.

“What _did_ you say?”

“I don’t know… I just talked. And I let her talk… but I didn’t make anything better. How could I? I can’t tell her to ‘do better’, I can’t—“

“Hey! Hey.” Kaidan brushed the back of his knuckles against Shepard’s face, “You did all you could. The two of you… no one knew Anderson like you two did. That matters.”

“I suppose. All I did was listen.”

“That’s good, Shepard. How do you feel?” Kaidan asked, his hand gently rubbing the tense muscles in Shepard’s thigh. John stared out the window as the sun hid itself behind a building.

“Can we go to the beach? Just for a little bit. I want to see the ocean.”

“It’s pretty cold,” Kaidan’s brow crumpled in worry the way Shepard had seen it do so many times lately, “Are you really feeling up to it?”

“Please Kaidan,” Shepard never said please, but as long as Kaidan made him feel invincible, he figured he didn’t have anything else to prove, “I want to spend a little time with just us. Before we go back to the hospital. I think I just need to clear my head.”

Kaidan clearly wasn’t crazy about the idea, but knew Shepard’s capabilities better than even Shepard did. So John was a little relieved—and encouraged—when Kaidan started the car and kept it low, taking them down to the beach as the sun lay spilling it’s rays out of the west. Kaidan rushed to his side to help him out of the car, but Shepard waved him off. Smiling, Kaidan reached an arm around Shepard’s hunched shoulders to steady him, but Shepard made an annoyed grunt as he forced his spine straight.

“I’m alright, I can walk. Thanks, but I’m fine.”

Kaidan blinked at him, a glimmer in his eyes as bright as any beam from the setting sun, and his hand slid down Shepard’s back till his fingers intertwined with Shepard’s. John stared at their hands together for a moment, confused. He had his breath back. He really… he really didn’t need to be helped…

“I’m holding your hand, John. Because I love you.” He smiled wryly, and the burning blush was back in Shepard’s neck. He tried to laugh, but it came out an exhausted rasp and he fell lightly into Kaidan, “Come on. There’s a bench over here.”

They held hands and moved slowly, Kaidan’s stride slowed so that Shepard felt like they were strolling, rather than hobbling, along the beach. The bench felt like it was miles away from the car, but already, reaching it had become Priority One in Shepard’s mind. Despite the exertion, he was shivering by the time they reached the bench. Kaidan turned to face him and slipped out of his leather jacket, sliding it onto Shepard.

“Won’t you get cold?” John asked as Kaidan’s warmth surrounded him.

“Biotics run hot. Besides, this is my weather,” Kaidan zipped the jacket, “Why do you think I wore this sweater? I only wore the jacket because I knew you’d refuse to bring your own,” he smiled, raising Shepard’s hood, turning up the leather collar against the cold, warm fingers caressing either side of Shepard’s face before leaning in to place the softest kiss on John’s lips. John opened his mouth to the kiss, as if it was all he could do to thank the man, trying to prove to Kaidan that _this_ was all he really wanted anymore.

He rested his head on Kaidan’s shoulder as they sat on the bench, watching the sun slowly dip to touch the horizon.

“So,” Kaidan asked, wrapping both arms around Shepard, “Do you feel better now that you’ve gotten to talk to Kahlee?”

Shepard had been insisting on coming since practically the moment he woke up. Kaidan had been at his side every day helping with the physical therapy. Helping with the baths, the exercises, taking his weight in little walks around the atrium, even pulling some strings with the hospital staff to let Shepard check-out for the afternoon weeks before he really should’ve been out. All because Kahlee happened to be on Earth for a few days.

“I do. I’m... I suppose I don’t know what I’m feeling.”

“No more urgent missions?”

“Hm?”

“You’ve had your mind set on seeing Kahlee for a while now. Just wondering what the next objective was.”

Shepard shouldn’t have been surprised that he was that transparent to the man. Kaidan was an overthinker, that’s one of the reasons they fought so well together… on…

Now that he sat on a cold bench as the sun sank into the Pacific, Kaidan’s warmth all around him and strong arms supporting him, the soft rise and fall of his breath guiding the pace of John’s own breathing—Shepard found he couldn’t really even recall the battle for London. He remembered ‘Know that I love you. Always.’

And now he knew why.

“No, Kaidan. No more missions.” He smiled when Kaidan’s arms squeezed him tighter, “I think maybe that’s bothering me. It means all I can think about is the past.” He struggled to right himself to meet Kaidan’s eyes. They were a glowing amber in the blaze of the sunset, and they saw right into him, “Talking with Kahlee about Anderson… about the Crucible… Kaidan, the things that happened up there… the things I did—“

“John,” Kaidan pressed their foreheads together, “I want to hear all about it. But slowly. We both just need to move slow, to learn how to just _be_ again. We have a future. And it doesn’t have to be a mission. It can just _be_.”

John was lost the next moment in Kaidan’s kiss, and it was easy to imagine the bay in summer, warm waves against his feet and sand between his toes. It was easy to imagine the slow way the sun set in summer, and the gentle love-making he and Kaidan had shared—would share again—in that apartment on the Citadel. He knew why Anderson had fallen back in love with London, even with its streets torn apart and its buildings demolished. He could see the future.

He remembered ‘Don’t leave me behind.’ He knew he could make that promise now.

They broke their kiss as the sun sank below the horizon, and Kaidan’s mouth twisted against Shepard’s, kissing his way along Shepard’s jaw to nuzzle into the warmth inside his hood, and John felt the soft whisper against his ear:

“Are you gonna be stubborn, or are you gonna let me carry you back to the car?”

Shepard chuckled and nodded slowly. Kaidan rose and lit up blue for a moment, and Shepard raised up off the bench, weightless, and into Kaidan’s arms, throwing his arms around Kaidan’s shoulders.

“I can’t believe the sun’s already down. It’s barely 19:00.” Shepard said, insisting on moving his legs despite the mass effect field that was essentially moving him effortlessly across the sand.

“Well, the days are getting longer. By the time you’re healed up, we’ll have plenty of time.”

Plenty of time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Sometimes it's hard to write silver-linings when you don't really see them yourself, huh? Again, if you read that and you thought "yes. that, but dripping with grief", then you may assume I wrote 'One New Message Waiting' just for you. Thanks again for what you do with your reading and your thinking critically!


End file.
